Day 10
Even the sky was crying yesterday. The minute I woke up I knew we were leaving the orphanage that day; but I pushed it from my mind and soaked up every moment I could. We went to the Russian Market to pick up supplies for the good-bye party. We bought chicken, cucumbers, eggs, apples, rice, sugar, salt, party hats, and lots of other stuff too. The party hats gave me a nice panic attack because we had to wait another ten minutes to get all the sixty hats, but ended up just taking thirty-one because we were already late.
The tuk tuk drive had the same effect on me as it always does; the minute we turn onto the bumpy dirt road leading to the orphanage my heart begins to race and I can't help smiling. The tuk tuks pull in and everyone jumps out, our arms instantly wrapping around the little bodies that cling to us. When I first see the stage my heart jumps with excitement; draped in paintings and colorful cloth, the kids have already set up the stage for their performance. Srey Tok led me onto the stage and showed me everything from the costumes, to the paintings, to the makeup. As everyone beat each other with balloons, I gave Srey Tok a little gold and sliver string bracelet I had made for her; a few minutes later I gave Niron another gold and silver bracelet that I made for him, and I can never put into words how happy he was. Still smiling and blushing slightly, Niron presents me with a small bracelet and a cross necklace, gives me a hug, and runs off.
I was helping put together a huge picture frame with pictures of us and the kids for the orphanage when Rot comes in and hands me a card that says, "To My Friend, Angry Bird Ava." then he unwraps a package and puts on me two hand-made bracelets, and a cross necklace and then says, "I love you my friend."
Every one's sitting on the benches in front of the stage, ready to watch the show (I've been given two more bracelets, another necklace and a ring), when finally the first group of kids come out and the dancing begins. First it's the older boys' Hip-hop dancing, then the girls' dancing, then little kids. My hands sore from clapping, the kids finish and we start the dance party. At first it was only a few people, but after some pleading and convincing, we managed to get everyone on the stage and dancing like crazy.
Dinner came around and once again I had to beg Niron to eat, but he finally did and had two servings. We began dancing again until all the volunteers were called into the office to get ready to unveil the picture frame. We came out waving and wearing glow sticks, throwing balloons with LED lights in them, and carrying the picture frame; the kids went crazy. After our present and a few words of thanks, I climbed back on the stage, ready to dance, when I noticed there was no music, and people had tears rolling down their faces. I looked around and asked, "We're not going yet are we?" but no one answered me. My heart stopped, I could no longer breathe, it was time.
Not even a second later I'm holding Niron in my arms, his heavy sobs and tears soaking my shirt, Ranott wrapped in my other arm. I cried harder than I've ever cried before. The blood rushed from my arms and legs, Niron crying onto my shoulder and me crying on his. We're all on our knees, Niron, Ranott, and Nirrot are hugging and crying on me, Srey Tok is no where to be found. Niron looks in my eyes and asks between sobs, "You sister me?" At that moment I felt my heart break. I immediately say yes and tell him that he's my brother and that I love him when he asks, "Will you forget me?" I begin to cry so hard that I only barely manage to tell him that I will never forget him, and that I will think of him everyday of my life. "I love you sister!" Niron chokes out right before I do something I didn't think I would do; I began to sing "Jesus Loves Me." The minute I began singing both Niron and Ranott stopped sobbing to listen, until my voice cracked and I couldn't sing the next line. We continued this way for a while, saying, "I love you. I love you. I love you." until Zoe tells me it's time to go. Niron has to help me to my feet and I drag my way over to my bag, Niron and now Roy holding onto me. I pull on my bag and my shoes and Niron, Ranott and I walk out of the orphanage together. We step onto the street where I find little Srey Tok smiling. She runs up to me and says, "I'll see you on Monday!" I start to cry harder. No matter how hard I tried she wouldn't understand that we weren't coming back on Monday, or Tuesday...
I have to be asked to get in the tuk tuk, but before I do Niron gives me one more hug and says, "I love you sister." I tell him that I love him too, climb onto the tuk tuk, and begin to drive away. They're all running alongside us, Niron grabbing my hand and crying; he was my first and last kid to hug that day. They run with us as long as they can until their hands slipped from ours and the darkness swallowed them, or maybe it swallowed us.
I cried for the whole forty minute drive and for about ten more minutes when we reached the Guest House. We have a meeting and go to bed. As I laid there in the darkness I think of all the kids I got to hug and the words, "I love you sister." still echoing in my head.
Day 11
I wake up and think of the kids. I eat breakfast and think of the kids. We take a Cambodian cooking class and I think of the kids. We tour the Royal Palace and I think of the kids. Every second of the day I've thought about them, what they're doing, how they feel, if they're okay, what they want to do when they grow up, all of it running through my head. I fell asleep feeling complete sorrow last night, but I woke up this morning recognizing something else that I had and still feel- pure Love. I spell it with a capital, "L" because it's more than just a feeling. When people hear these stories, and sometimes experience them, they always say, "It will be okay." and, "I know how you feel." They have no idea what they're saying. The connections, the friendship, the Love that I shared with those kids will never be fully understood, I'm still trying to understand it myself. But it's Love that brought us here, Love that made us fix the garden, build a pigpen, spend hours clearing a field of grass to set up a clothes line, fixing the fence, and giving them running water. It was true Love that made us all cry that night, and Love that gave them the hope that there is a better way to live.
I hope that when ever they hang up their clothes, feed the pig, or wash their hands with running water, that they'll think of us. Because I know I'm going to think of them everyday. I will never forget my family, and I never want to.
"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up." Vince Lombardi
